Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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