So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
