Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
