Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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