Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
