the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
