the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
