i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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