Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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