apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
