So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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