The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
