Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
