Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize