My sheets look like a crime scene.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
