Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
