fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
