I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
