My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
