WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
should my penis look like a turkey
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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