i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
