next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
