Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
