You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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