i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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