The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
