Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
