I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize