covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
