Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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