My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
