When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
