Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
