Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
