Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
