A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
