She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
