I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize