If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
