Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
