bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
