fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
