he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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