I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sorry about my life...
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