dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dignity is for republicans.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize