david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
