if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
