I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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