Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
