Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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