We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
