on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
