imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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