Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
