apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
