You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
