Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I enjoy the company of your penis
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
