He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
