I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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