Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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