Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
