He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
