You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
