If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
