Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
