Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Randomize
