mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
