I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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