OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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